Talking with your parents about their mortality is never comfortable, but it’s critically necessary for eliminating headaches when the inevitable does happen. It might help to think about the conversation in a completely different light, shifting the perspective from talking about death to ensuring peace of mind and protection for everyone involved. Focus on the benefits of getting everything properly handled, such as avoiding probate, reducing family conflict, and clearing up any questions about medical wishes.
Don’t rush into it blindly.
Before you talk, make sure you set your own intentions for the outcome. The focus should be on their autonomy and security, not what you’re hoping to inherit or worried about someone else inheriting.
Research the basic documents you’ll want to address, such as wills, trusts, and powers of attorney, so that you can help them inventory what may have already been done or may need updating or initiating.
Pick a neutral time that doesn’t interfere with any celebrations or potentially stressful events. You want the conversation to be in a setting that’s comfortable, private, and not rushed.
Start Mindfully.
It may be helpful to start with your own experience, such as updating your own estate plan or creating a trust, and how that led you to wonder if your parents’ had updated theirs lately. They may have outdated beneficiaries in their plan who have either passed on or are no longer appropriate.
Alternatively, if you’ve recently experienced a friend’s passing, seen a news story, or even had a milestone birthday yourself, you can use that as a jumping off point to get the conversation started.
Another starting point to consider is the “what if” scenario. “What if you were incapacitated, what would you want me to know?” “What if something happens to one or both of you? I want to make sure I know what you want if you can’t tell me yourself.”
Offer to help, without trying to take over.
Start with logistics. Do your parents need to find an attorney? Would they need help with scheduling or transportation?
Do they need help locating and organizing their paperwork? Offer to help them create a physical or digital “legacy binder” as a central location for account numbers, passwords, insurance policies, and other important documents.
Facilitate a family meeting if there are siblings so that everyone is on the same page.
Wherever you or your parents are in the process, Wills & Wellness can help.
A well-vetted estate plan is a gift of clarity for everyone in the family. Our attorneys can help at any point in the process, whether it’s updating an existing plan or creating one from scratch. And we are here with you every step of the way, because an estate plan is a process, not a one-time event.
Contact us for a consultation today.
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