10 Tips for Choosing the Best Guardian
If you’re a parent of minor children, do you know what would happen to them if something happened to you?
It’s natural to assume that a family member would step in to care for them. Or maybe you’ve already made an informal arrangement with a close friend or family member through email or a signed letter naming that person as your children’s guardian if something were to happen to you while traveling.
But legally, is this enough? And what does “legal guardian” really mean?
Simply put, a guardian is someone designated to act as a parent for minor children who have lost their parent(s) or their parent(s) have become incapacitated. It can mean someone you’ve named in a properly executed legal document or someone chosen by a judge if that legal document doesn’t exist.
Bear in mind that without proper legal documentation, it’s ultimately up to a judge to decide upon a guardian, and that person may not be who you think is best.
Additionally, the person appointed as guardian is not automatically in charge of your children’s inheritance. Naming a guardian and trustee to oversee your children’s future is critically important and must be done with careful consideration. (See Including Children in Your Estate Plan: The Practical and Relational Blueprint and Including Children in Your Estate Plan: Legal Foundation and Protection.)
Below are 10 tips to help you select the right person or people for the job.
Short- Versus Long-Term
This is often one of the most often overlooked aspects of choosing a guardian. If your long-term guardian lives out of town, in another state, or is simply unavailable (away on vacation when the need arises, for example), appointing short-term guardians is crucial for preventing the state from taking your children into temporary custody where they will be cared for by strangers. It’s already going to be an emotionally charged time for your children, and you want them to be with someone they know and trust.
Parenting Style and Philosophy
Choose individuals who have similar values and ideals to yours. Not only will it give you a sense of comfort, it’ll also promote a more seamless transition during a tumultuous time. Give some thought to how your friends and family members are raising their children, and have open conversations about their thoughts on how they would handle some what-if scenarios.
Religion or Spirituality
It’s completely up to the guardian how to raise your children, including their religious or spiritual upbringing. Think through the list of potential guardians and compare their religious or spiritual leanings to your own. And if you don’t have someone in perfect alignment, consider what alternatives may be closest to your beliefs that may be acceptable options.
Your Child’s Relationship with Family Members or Friends
When your children are very young they typically haven’t quite had enough time to nurture a very close bond with anyone other than you, in which case choosing a guardian is more about who best fits the other factors on this list. But as your children grow, they’ll form stronger bonds and become more attached to certain family members or friends—perhaps even ones you didn’t anticipate. It’s important to be sensitive to these relationships and select a guardian who already knows your children very well and whom they trust.
Ability to Care for Children
The best guardian is one who is both able and willing to care for minor children who are not their own. Open communication in this regard is key. Make sure to talk with potential guardians to verify that they are both willing and able to take on the role. You may have someone in mind who dearly loves your children, but may not be practically able to care for them due to work obligations, for example. Or they may simply not be quite ready emotionally to be fully responsible for the demands of raising children.
If you have children with special needs, you’ll want to feel confident that your guardian selection is 100 percent capable of meeting those needs. You’ll also want to consider creating a Special Needs Trust to ensure the financial resources are in place.
Where the Potential Guardian Lives
Very young children haven’t formed complex friend groups and are more adaptable to a move. However, uprooting older children from friends and familiar surroundings could cause more emotional harm in an already very difficult time. That’s not to say that you should avoid a move, but it is an important consideration when thinking about the impacts of changing schools, doctors, and the rest of your children’s support network.
The Guardian’s Financial Resources Shouldn’t Matter
Ideally you will be leaving behind an adequate inheritance to cover the cost of raising your children rather than relying on someone else to foot the bills. The most obvious and common solution is through life insurance. As you grow older, additional funding avenues include retirement and savings accounts as well as the equity in your home.
That said, how well a potential guardian handles their own finances speaks to other personality traits that may make them an ideal choice as guardian of your children. A properly set up estate plan will have an appointed trustee who oversees the financial resources you’ve left for your children. This ensures that the money you’ve left to cover your children’s needs will be reserved specifically for that use.
Whether They Have Children of Their Own
Sometimes the best choice is a guardian who is also a parent, and other times the best choice is someone who isn’t. This will depend on the personalities of both your children and the potential guardian and how well everyone in the guardian’s own family would adjust to a big change. A potential guardian who already has three or four children may not be able to add more children into the mix, despite how much they might love and adore you and your children.
This is another area where open communication is key. Encourage potential guardians to be completely honest about what they think they and their family can handle.
Choosing a Couple Versus a Single Guardian
If you’re considering a couple to serve jointly as guardians, walk through what happens if they get divorced or if one is in an accident. Are there any reasons you wouldn’t want one of them to serve as guardian alone or are you comfortable with either parent serving as guardian? No one likes to think about the potential bad scenarios, but it’s always best to be as prepared as possible for something to go awry.
Elect a Guardianship Panel
Because it’s difficult to predict what your children’s needs will be as they grow up, consider appointing a “Guardianship Panel” of trusted family and friends to decide who might be the best guardian for your children. In the right circumstances this can potentially provide maximum flexibility and ensure the most appropriate guardian decision is made at the time it’s actually needed. The panel could even consider your children’s input when they’re an appropriate age.
Wills & Wellness Can Help You Through the Process
Ultimately, you know your children best and likely already have an inclination toward certain family members or friends who would be the best fit, and we are here to advise and support you through the legal process of naming a guardian(s) and creating the proper documentation. We can also help you think through the considerations listed above and ask questions you may not have thought of when you’re choosing a guardian.